... i wish that i had somthing fun to write about today but im just having a tough day and i guess im hoping writing it all down will help me feel a little bit better . I wish i knew when it would get easier without my grandfather ..i truely do but it seems like as the days go on it only gets harder. I miss him so very much we all do , he truely was an amazing man and i only hope that someday i can be half of the person that he was to all of us . I know that god needed him more than we did and i know that it was time , he fought such a hard battle and he did it with a smile most of the time . Never once did he complain he always had somthing positive to say about it all i just have to wounder why is it the people that do so much good that suffer the most . I am thankful that i have had 27 amazing years with my grandfather and i truly did have lots of time with him i spent more time with him and my grandmother than i did at my own house and when i look back i wouldnt change it for a second. Its funny in 27 years not once do i ever remember being upset with him for anything he always had nothing but support , laughter and lots of m and ms for all of us . Walking into my grandmothers house is so hard i hate not hearing him yell for the kids as soon as he saw us open the door, i would give anything in the entire world for just one more day , one more smile , one more joke anything . I hate that i cant get over this and i hate that it gets worse everyday. I know that i will get through it , ill never get over it and ill never forget it but ill get through it and i know that hes with me .. alot i can feel it and i see the signs everywhere so i talk to him alot ..all the time whenever somthing is bothering me .. i talk to him and it seems to bring me peace .. and ill be waiting to see him again when its my turn to go to the other side , ive still got quite a bit to do hear on earth , my 2 kids need me more than ever , alex needs me and my grandmother needs us all so much . so until we meet again papa know that you are never far from my mind ... and we all think about you all the time .. here i go again crying as i write this .. it will stop sometime right ?
May you always walk in sunshine and gods love around you flow ,for the happiness you have us , no one will ever know. It broke our hearts to lose you but you did not go alone a part of us went with you the day god called you home . A million times we've needed you a million times we've cried. If love could have only saved you , you never would have died.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Snow days...
Another crazy morning at my house ! Kids are both off the walls and want to play in the snow already....im going to attempt to hold them off until after breakfast ! (seems fair if you ask me !) Although anyone who knows me knows i would love to just keep them inside all day because i am just not a fan of being outside especially when its cold out!
Last night was nice ..i got to go out to dinner and have a nice long all ADULT conversation ..that doesnt happen very much with the two kiddos running around ! Poor Ava though has had 3 deaths in about 6 months that have really effected her and shes trying to process it all, first her dad and his wife has their pug dog die a week before they got married. This was especially hard on ava because she was supposed to walk down the isle with the puppy . Then about a month ago we had my grandfather die who both of my kids were very close to and spent a great deal of time with even when papa was in his final days the kids always went to see him and spend time with him. Then about a week ago avas father lost his mother to a heart attack and that has taken a toll on ava as well. Ava prays everynight before she goes to bed and last night she asked for help saying her prayers. Ava wanted to pray for god to please send papa, nana and puggy back because she misses them so much. I hate not being able to make it all better and i wish that i could get all those people back ! This parenting stuff doesnt get any easier ..i think it only gets harder as time goes on.
Personally im also saying a prayer for a family i begin talking to a few months back , i started messaging with the wife from a page on Facebook called Brian's Belief , they have kept a page of his struggles dealing with cancer through all of his ups and downs and now through the end of his journey on hospice , many of the struggles have been similar to my grandfather and i have found comfort in having someone else to talk to . They dont believe that he is going to make it through the day today so if you could say a prayer or send good vibes whatever you do .. in to send this family comfort...on what i know is a very hard /sad and scarey day ...
Brian's Belief
until next time
Suzie
Last night was nice ..i got to go out to dinner and have a nice long all ADULT conversation ..that doesnt happen very much with the two kiddos running around ! Poor Ava though has had 3 deaths in about 6 months that have really effected her and shes trying to process it all, first her dad and his wife has their pug dog die a week before they got married. This was especially hard on ava because she was supposed to walk down the isle with the puppy . Then about a month ago we had my grandfather die who both of my kids were very close to and spent a great deal of time with even when papa was in his final days the kids always went to see him and spend time with him. Then about a week ago avas father lost his mother to a heart attack and that has taken a toll on ava as well. Ava prays everynight before she goes to bed and last night she asked for help saying her prayers. Ava wanted to pray for god to please send papa, nana and puggy back because she misses them so much. I hate not being able to make it all better and i wish that i could get all those people back ! This parenting stuff doesnt get any easier ..i think it only gets harder as time goes on.
Personally im also saying a prayer for a family i begin talking to a few months back , i started messaging with the wife from a page on Facebook called Brian's Belief , they have kept a page of his struggles dealing with cancer through all of his ups and downs and now through the end of his journey on hospice , many of the struggles have been similar to my grandfather and i have found comfort in having someone else to talk to . They dont believe that he is going to make it through the day today so if you could say a prayer or send good vibes whatever you do .. in to send this family comfort...on what i know is a very hard /sad and scarey day ...
Brian's Belief
until next time
Suzie
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
First times a charm ..
So here i go .. ive been talking about blogging for a long time and i finally found a few minutes to start it , ill warn you im not the best writer or the most creative but ill do the best i can :-) .
Anyways i guess ill start this first one telling you a little about myself. I'm Susan im 27 years old and i have 2 of the most amazing kids you'll ever meet ! I have a 4 year old little girl named Ava May (her dad and i are no longer together but he is still in her life ) and an almost 2 year old little boy named Michael Allen.(I am with Michael s father). I am engaged to a man that completely turned my life around and has taken (along with his entire family) my daughter into his life .
Im currently lucky enough to be a stay at home mom , it is by far the hardest job i have ever had, but also the most rewarding. My kids make me crazy but i love them more than anything in the world and would be lost without them.
I suffer from depression and anxiety its not an easy road for myself or my loved ones , i currently am on 2 medications that finally seem to have helped me but its an everyday struggle that im always dealing with and trying to concur.
I recently lost one of the most important men in my life and i still haven't truly come to terms with it. My grandfather was one of the most amazing men you will ever meet, he was truely like another father to me and i am still completely lost without him, i am hoping that writing about him will also help me deal with the loss.
Anyways thats just a little peak at who i am before you jump into my blogging. I hope you enjoy it because im sure it will be just a little bit of everything !
Take Care
Suzie
Anyways i guess ill start this first one telling you a little about myself. I'm Susan im 27 years old and i have 2 of the most amazing kids you'll ever meet ! I have a 4 year old little girl named Ava May (her dad and i are no longer together but he is still in her life ) and an almost 2 year old little boy named Michael Allen.(I am with Michael s father). I am engaged to a man that completely turned my life around and has taken (along with his entire family) my daughter into his life .
Im currently lucky enough to be a stay at home mom , it is by far the hardest job i have ever had, but also the most rewarding. My kids make me crazy but i love them more than anything in the world and would be lost without them.
I suffer from depression and anxiety its not an easy road for myself or my loved ones , i currently am on 2 medications that finally seem to have helped me but its an everyday struggle that im always dealing with and trying to concur.
I recently lost one of the most important men in my life and i still haven't truly come to terms with it. My grandfather was one of the most amazing men you will ever meet, he was truely like another father to me and i am still completely lost without him, i am hoping that writing about him will also help me deal with the loss.
Anyways thats just a little peak at who i am before you jump into my blogging. I hope you enjoy it because im sure it will be just a little bit of everything !
Take Care
Suzie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)